Human in law
by yourdeadwafflecone
Summary: Movieverse. The concept of 'family' is a tricky one to define, especially when you add humans into the mix. Cosmic joke drabbles.
1. Strength

Whoa! Where have been? D: Many many apologies for staying away from and shame on me for not updating like I should. To make up for that, I wrote a mini drabble while waiting for my laptop to get repaired (it died on me because the fan inside broke), but I haven't lost any work thankfully so everything should be up and running pretty soon. Though I'm definitely going to get a new laptop, I think my poor 'Gatsby' needs to retire. ^^; In this drabble I wanted to explore the relationship between Optimus and Maggie. Not a romantic one (though it's kind of hinted at times) but through their relationship with Megatron. Since well...if Mag ever married Megs, Optimus would be her brother in law.

Read, review and enjoy! 3

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><p>It was late that night, near the only large body of water in Tranquility. Optimus was lost in his memory banks again. Remembering the more peaceful and quiet days of his youth. He barely even noticed a familiar blond haired woman approaching him.<p>

" Hey tall, dark and handsome." she said teasingly

Snapping out of it, he turned toward her voice." Ms. Madson...I didn't notice you there. How did you find me though?"

" Mm Ironhide was a little worried, so he sent me to check up on you on at the lake." she smiled

" Ironhide sent you?"

" Well...sorta..okay well..." she giggled " It was my idea. But he agreed that you shouldn't be all alone out here. He thought maybe you should have someone to talk to. Someone who isn't with you 24/7 at least. So here I am."

" And here you are. I appreciate your concern but..."

" Uh uh, I'm not going anywhere. Not until you spill."

" I'm sorry?"

" Oh, it's a figure of speech. I meant, not until you tell me what your thinking about. I can tell it's troubling you and I have a good idea what it is." she said knowingly. " It's about Megatron."

" That's why I rather not discuss it with you. I know how you feel about him...what he means to you. My thoughts might end up changing your mind about him and I don't want to do that."

" If knowing what a tyrant he was before hasn't changed my mind yet, I don't think anything will. And it's not who he was that I fell for, it's who he is now. Even if I don't really know if he loves me back in that way."

" I think he does, he just has a hard time showing that side to him. He always has."

" Really?" asked curiously.

" Since we were young he always thought love was something of a weakness."

" I feel a story behind that." she said as she sat down next to the Autobot leader.

" There is."

" Care to tell?" she ribbed

" I have a feeling you're not going to leave until I do."

" You better believe it, big guy."

" Alright. Well..." he began.

Closing his optics and letting the memories of long ago flow back from his processor. He was a youngling again, sitting on the floor of the training room of his mentor's home on the North side of Cybertron. Wide blue optics taking in his older brother's fierce form as he sparred with their mentor and older guardian, Sentinel Prime. Megatron let out a growl of frustration as he lay on the ground under Sentinel's feet before the old Prime offered a hand up to the young prince.

" You're distracted, m'lord. Your attention needs to be on the fight not anywhere else. Now rise and try again."

" I'm tired." said Megatron

" Nonsense, get up. I know your limits and you haven't even begun to reach them today."

Megatron sighed and reached for Sentinel's hand and was pulled up and resumed a fighting stance. Though it was clear his spark just wasn't in it for sparring today. This was an unusual thing for both Optimus and Sentinel Prime, as they've seen before, Megatron was usually always eager to train, since he was hoping at a chance for the title of Lord High Protector.

Sentinel made the first move. " What exactly is on your mind that is more important than training today?"

" Nothing." replied Megatron, easily dodging the blow.

" Come now..." smiled Sentinel as he struck again. " I've taken care of you and Optimus since your were sparklings, I know when you lie."

" It's honestly nothing." avoiding the attack and making one himself.

" Must be a very important 'nothing'. This nothing wouldn't involve...a certain femme from yesterday, right?"

Megatron was sent to the ground again. Not just by the blow, but also by his mentor's spot-on guess. He turned away slightly from embarrassment as Sentinel smiled. So, it finally happened. After all these centuries, ever since the king died and watching Optimus and Megatron grow into fine young princes, the eldest's spark had been smitten.

My, where did the time go?

" She's a friend, nothing more." he shot.

" You have many friends, and yet they haven't been distractions to you before."

" She is a special friend."

" I'm sure she is. Do I know her?"

Megatron decided not to answer that question, but he didn't have to either. His younger brother did it for him.

" Her name is Solaria!"

" Optimus!" shouted Megatron in anger as Optimus beamed from across the room.

" M'lord, there is nothing wrong with having special feelings for someone. It's normal for everyone to feel that way at some point in their lives. It's nothing to be shameful over."

" But...I'm supposed to train to be the Lord High Protector! Those feelings have no place there with me."

" And why is that?"

" Because they are...they promote weakness. The opposite of what I strive to be."

" I see. But in that I would have to disagree with you, Prince." said Sentinel, sitting next to his wards. " It's true that the Lord High Protector must be strong, must be brave and must never show fear, but their real strength lies not with the physical or even mental...but from those they have sworn to protect."

" What do you mean?" asked Optimus

" It's love from the people and love for the people that gives you real strength. Do you remember your father and how hard he fought to protect Cybertron from invasion, and how he died to make sure that you two and everyone will have a future? Do you know what gave him strength to carry on to the bitter end despite losing his life?"

" What?" asked both younglings

" Love." he said " He did it out of love, and in that he was and still is fondly remembered by everyone. That's why the people look up to you two, as young as you are. They see him in you, that same love. So don't be too quick to dismiss love as something so fragile. In the right circumstances, it can be the pivotal point between life and death. Understand?"

" Yes sir...I think so." said Megatron

" Think of it this way. You're training, not just to protect the people of this world, but the ones you care for the most. If one day you find someone who has stolen your spark, the one you couldn't imagine life without...you will be protecting them, and their love for you will give you the power to defeat whatever comes your way."

" Like a brother?" said Optimus

" No you bolt brain, he means a sparkmate!" shot Megatron

" Oh..." said Optimus, looking down bashfully. "I don't have one."

Sentinel Prime chuckled. " You will someday my young prince, but for now you need not worry about that just yet."

" Sentinel Prime sir." said Megatron rising up suddenly, gaining the attention of his mentor.

" Yes?"

" I...I want to train harder! I want to be able to protect those I love!" he blurted out quickly.

" Me too!" chimed Optimus

" Wonderful! Now that's what I want to hear!" smiled Sentinel.

_'Such fond memories_.'

Optimus smiled forlornly and opened his optics.

" During that time when we were at war with each other, that memory would come back and I'd wonder where the brother I knew had gone to. They one who wanted to the know that power that our mentor had spoken of. Why had he chosen to harm instead of protect? Why he choose fear to rule, and not love. And then...you came."

" Me?" asked Maggie " What about me?"

" I never really got to tell you something that I believe is long over due."

" And what's that?"

" Thank you."

" Huh? For what?"

" For giving him back his strength."

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><p>Author's notes:<p>

Well what do you think folks? Like this? I have three more little stories to post after this before I update my main story, Cosmic Joke. So keep an eye out for that! Thanks for reading!


	2. Bath

You know the drill folks.. Read and review!

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><p>He wasn't sure how he felt about this whole thing, but Ratchet insisted that the Autobot leader needed to relax. After crashing to Earth, battling in Mission City, and being thrown into buildings and pavement thanks to his then insane older brother, they all agreed he needed...a bath. And he was all for that, really!...except for one tiny little thing. One tiny organic little thing.<p>

Maggie insisted that she wash him.

If Megatron found out, Optimus would get his still beating spark ripped out of him, never-mind that his older brother was human now. Megatron had made it clear that Maggie was his chosen mate, even if he didn't quite admit it yet. And for her to wash Optimus...well...it bordered a little too close to looking like 'something else'. And yet the human female was very stubborn about the whole thing. Didn't she see how inappropriate it seemed? To bathe him would mean taking off his armor. Which means technically he'd be naked.

Of course, Cybertronians didn't have much of a concept of nudity seeing as they didn't have a need to wear clothes. But to do a good job cleaning themselves they did need to take off a few parts that hid away a few places that didn't need to be looked at publicly. And certainly not by the sparkmates of others. And certainly not by his own brother's potential sparkmate.

" Ratchet, could you explain my reasons why I prefer to do this on my own. I've never had anyone bathe me since I was a sparkling, I've done just fine since then."

" I don't see why it should bother you, Prime. She's an organic, it's not like she'd know what she was looking at unless she had a good understanding of our anatomy. And even so, it doesn't resemble anything of human genitalia that she'd be familiar with."

" That makes it even worse!"

" If you don't point it out, she wouldn't even notice anything. I'm sure she even thinks we're genderless, which isn't entirely false from their point of view." he said " In this case, ignorance is bliss."

" That's called lying. I don't like lying to my friends. I'll tell her that she can do this another time, and then hopefully she will forget about it."

" *sigh* Optimus...just honor her offer. She's doing you a favor by cleaning you, and being as small as she is she can get into places you wouldn't be able to reach. Don't think of it as intrusive to your privacy. Think of it as keeping yourself in top shape inside and out."

"...Fine."

" You'll thank me, now go and have a good time."

A good time...yeah. Have a good time standing around with nothing but your pride and a smile. Thankfully the water inside the old dam outside the city was doing a good job hiding what he wished to keep hidden. Yes he knew she wouldn't know what she was looking at if she saw, but he didn't feel comfortable showing her anyways. Heck, he didn't even show his teammates, unless Ratchet was doing a medical inspection. And even then, noone but him and Ratchet were present. He was a private mech, and he wanted to stay that way.

" Well just about done except for your middle." she said, scrubbing the last bit of dirt and grime from his shoulders.

" You've done a wonderful job so far, Maggie. I think I'll continue the rest on my own."

" Oh come on, I just need to get that area and we're finished." she climbed a bit towards his front and almost immediately covered himself. Maggie gave him an odd look.

" What's wrong?"

" Nothing, just...I rather I did this myself. Again I appreciate your hard work for today."

She looked his hands covering that last little part, very protectively and then she looked curiously at him and then a amused smile crossed her face. Optimus panicked. Did she find out what he was covering?

" Did you get hurt?" she asked suddenly " Is that why you don't want me touching you there?"

Optimus relaxed a bit. She thought he was injured there? Well...at least it wasn't what he thought she thought.

" Yes. I rather I clean myself there on my own. It's...sensitive."

" Oh..I'm sorry. I didn't know. I mean, I should have known you had injuries like that, especially after the whole battle. I'm still not used to you guys yet. Being living alien robots and all."

" It was my fault for not telling you."

" Oh no, I just need to be more considerate. I can be really slow sometimes."

Optimus felt guilty. She wasn't slow, far from it. She was such a clever and bright human female. Not only was she a great friend, but an ally and she even won Megatron's heart and trust. Which was something not just anyone could boost about. He had so much respect for her. She didn't even know how much. But for her to belittle herself due to ignorance of his race's anatomy and a lie...

" Maggie that's not it."

" What's not it?"

" I...wasn't truthful about what I said before. About it being an injury. You see, like you, like your race. We too have places we rather keep in private. If you know what I mean."

Maggie smiled. " I kind of figured that."

He sighed, of course that shouldn't have come as a surprise. Humans, they were quite a sexual species. Of course she'd put two and two together like that. He fidgeted slightly as she hung on his right shoulder looking toward the covered spot on his chest.

" Hey, it's not like I knew exactly where your man-stuff was, or was even looking to find it. I just figured you guys are very similar to us in some ways and I'd run into that 'place' eventually. Now I know."

" So you understand why I was so hesitant?"

" Yep."

" And that I would like to wash myself?"

" Yep."

" Can I wash myself please?"

" ...Nope. This is revenge for seeing me naked that one night. Now open up." she smiled mischievously and lathered up the wash cloth once again. Optimus groaned tiredly. Ratchet was right, ignorance was bliss.

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><p>Author's notes:<p>

Another one! Yeeaa! Actually this chapter was going to be after another one, but I wanted this one to allude to a flashback instead. Will I write said flashback? Maaaaybe...XD Or I could leave it as a 'Noodle incident' and let your imaginations fill it in instead. Meh, I'll see where this goes right after the next chapter. Toodles!


	3. Trouble

This one is strictly Maggie/Megatron! Nothing naughty, but very fluffy. You have been warned!

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><p>They had just settled in on the couch to watch a movie, something called Titanic, the DVD cover said it was a love story during some kind of disaster, it didn't sound very exciting to Megatron. Another thing he wasn't very happy with was the extremely narrow gap between him and Maggie. Oh he knew what she was doing, he wasn't stupid, despite what the Witwicky boy thought. He had been on Earth long enough to know a bit about how humans courted each other. And that was exactly what she was doing. Smiling at him, inching closer to him, causally touching him. He was annoyed by it, being the type that never liked outward displays of affection, but he didn't stop her either, and this was...unexpected of himself.<p>

If she had been another other human woman, he probably would have thrown her out the window by now. But somehow Maggie made him feel...what was that word...comfortable? No. Secure? No..wait..it made him feel like he could be...himself. The self he remembered or thought he remembered before the war. He last remembered a peaceful moment like this when he spoke to Optimus' potential mate Elita-1. He had feelings for her, that much he knew, but he dared not make an advance on her. Not out of fear, but respect to Optimus. His little brother had chosen well. Elita was a treasure. Intelligent, engaging, compassionate...beautiful. Megatron had not seen a more lovelier femme than Elita. She did however seem a bit old fashioned, not when it came to making up her own mind, she had no problems in that, but in the matters of romance. She never went after Optimus, he was the one who swept her off her servos, which considering his personality, was a hard thing for him to do.

Optimus was never a forceful mech when it came to love. Megatron nearly had to physically push his brother to speak to her. But once they did, they clicked, even though he wanted Elita for his own, he knew Optimus and her were a better match. She wasn't really his type anyways. Yet, one of the things he did like about her was the fact she spoke to everyone as if they were on her level. She could gain the trust of even the toughest of mechs, and most shyest of sparklings with a calm, gentle demeanor that made you want to call her friend. You could be herself around her with no fear, and that...that was what he felt around Maggie. She reflected a bit her character and that was something he felt a bit attracted to.

Oh no..attracted? He groaned. Well, now that he did admit it to himself, Maggie definitely represented what he liked in a femme..er..mate. She had a few flaws though; she talked too much about nothing at times, she was stubborn, she was..human and her hands were on his thigh. Then again, he would have loved it if Elita was the one paying attention to him like this and not Optimus. Even if she was a few years younger than him, but then hey, he was even older than Maggie by a few centuries! Maybe this was a second chance for him to get a femm...female that he liked. Though he wasn't even sure he really liked Maggie in that way. I mean, they barely just met! He had always said to himself that if he found himself in this kind of situation he would take things slow. Rushing into these kind of things was just asking for...

" There's a slice of pepperoni in there, want it?" asked Maggie.

Before he knew it, she took the slice, planted a small kiss on it, and put on his lips. An indirect kiss. He could feel his face threatening to expose his thoughts on her shameless flirting, but at the same time it confirmed a solid anwser to a question he was trying to so hard to solve.

He did like her.

Not because she seemed so much like a past flame, but the fact she was trouble. And **that** was his type.

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><p>Author's notes:<p>

Go ahead and squee. You know you want to.


	4. Tick toc

Okay, the following two stories will not be referring to Optimus, Maggie or Megatron in anyway, but I still wanted to post them somewhere. Think of them as...bonus stories. These drabbles are for my OCs Rivet and Candice. If you don't know them they come from an upcoming ficlet called Relic, which will not be in the Cosmic Joke universe, but will still have that familiar humor and action you guys have come to love. Read below if you want a taste of this new pairing.

Rivet is a tiny insect sized Cybertronian who lived in the time of the pharaohs, but was accidentally dropped in a vat of melted gold and went into stasis for a few centuries or so. Candice is an Irish girl who was given Rivet (as a pendant) from her father's recent archaeology dig. Unbeknownst to her, she reactivated him but he lost his memories of who and what he is, but because she released him he vows to serve her as best he can (and even creates a very handsome holoform to please her). Candice becomes his reluctant 'master' and they get into all sorts of fun trouble together, which includes finding his memories, another Cybertronian artifact and Vector Prime himself.

Okay enough of that backhistory. XD I actually wanted to just portray their relationship to a few fans of this couple on DA and show just how devoted he is to her...even if she's not quite aware of it. Oh Candi, you don't know how lucky you are to have such a cute time traveler like him around.

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><p>Candice wasn't ready to get up this morning. No. If anything she wanted to turn off her alarm clock and sink right back down into her nice soft, comforting pillows. Maybe even finish her dream of dating David, one of the boys she liked in the upper grade, and steal a kiss before the sunlight burned away the sleep from her eyes. But she knew she would have to get ready before her grandmother came in and gave her a guilt trip about not getting everything that Ireland's school system had to offer her. And how ungrateful she was that she could even go to school when millions of children in 3rd world countries didn't go to school at all. She gave her the same guilt trip about not eating her vegetables at dinnertime as well. Seemed her grandmother was still stuck in WWII.<p>

She hit her alarm clock's snooze button, finding that it seemed to move by itself a little...that was odd. But she figured it was probably getting getting broken from her frequent fist slamming. Sitting up in her bed, she was surprised the a tiny green and gold robotic bug was frantically fighting it's way up her blanket from the floor, which she accidentally threw over him. Smiling, she picked up her incredibly small Cybertronian friend and placed him on her pillow. Instinctively, she reached for her cell phone on her night stand, knowing he couldn't communicate with her out-loud, only through texting.

" Morning, Rivet." she said, and read his reply.

" Good Morning, Master! Did you sleep well?" he texted as he chirped happily at her. She frowned. She told him already not to call her 'Master'. But apparently, he still did so..probably as a way to tease her.

" Actually...I'm still sleepy. Do you think, maybe...if it's possible... you could turn back the clock for me so I have an extra hour of sleep?" she said.

" I've already done that for you, Master. Three times already. Right now it's 7:31 in the morning, but it should be already 2:43 in the afternoon."

Hearing that almost caused her to fall out of bed as she glared at the tiny little bug-bot through sleep encrusted eyes.

" Rivet...who told you to mess around with time today?"

" You did."

" When?"

" You kept hitting me every time the alarm of your clock rang. So I just assumed..."

Candice face palmed and then slowly slipped out of bed.

" Are you upset?"

" No just...could you not recharge on top of my alarm clock next time?"

" I will endevour to remember that, master."

" Thanks..and one other thing. Stop calling me MASTER!"

" ...Yes, Master." He chirped mischievously. She groaned.

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><p>Author's notes:<p>

Super short and sweet, but wraps up a typical day-in-a-life quite nicely. The next one is longer and much more plot heavy. May contain a few spoilers but worth the read if you're interested in time travels and headaches. XD


	5. Ontological Inertia

Not Rivet/Candice but a little something I wanted to share storywise and what it will be like once I get it started...probably in a year or two. Right after I get Cosmic Joke finished!

Read, review and enjoy! :D

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><p>Ratchet wasn't sure what to make of Rivet's story. It sounded believable in the sense of detail, but not in the sense of reality. At least not in the way he knew it. He had been around long enough to know there were certain things in the universe that would never make sense to him, things that mechs or any living being should even know about. Yet Rivet was there, perched on his operating table telling something that just wasn't...real. And yet he couldn't call it a lie either.<p>

" I really should scan your CPU for any kind of damage. from what you're telling me, time passed by and you don't remember it doing so?"

" No! time went **backwards**!" said the tiny little mech in a buzz of noise.

" There is no such thing." he said, yet again. He wasn't sure if he was trying to convince Rivet or himself.

" Ah! not really. You know Skywarp's ability has a similar affect." explained his young assistant Wheeljack. He certainly wasn't helping in trying to make sense of the tiny mech's story.

.

" But that's simple to explain. Thundercracker is going **forward** into time. but even that doesn't last for more than a few nanoseconds. What rivet explained, was that he went **backwards** a few **minutes** into time. **that's** the impossibility."

Wheeljack disagreed. " Why would it be impossible? Time isn't set, we can measure it, but there are traits about it that we still don't understand. What I believe Rivet experienced, was a time jump."

" Time jump?" asked Rivet.

" It's when time around an object is thrust back into the past. You see, time **itself** can't be reversed. So, from what I can guess is that time around you warped and then **you** went back instead."

...

...

...

...

..

"...Are you sure?" chirped Rivet.

" Yes, in theory anyways." smiled Wheeljack.

Ratchet shook his head at the two mechs. " That's exactly why I want scan you, in case you didn't damage your CPU and imagine the whole thing!" He groaned, then turned to his assistant " And then I'm scanning yours next, Wheeljack!"

" Oh be a little more open-minded, even our top scientists back home can't explain what our sparks are really composed of. There are still mysteries out there that haven't solved. This just might be another one of them."

" But at least we know where our sparks come from. but time travel? It's impossible for him to go through time without there being a cause for it."

" Well...um I didn't mention this before but, you know that device you found inside me?"

" You mean that has something to do with this?" asked the Medic.

" It glowed very brightly when...when Candice...died." said Rivet very sadly.

Wheeljacks suddenly lit up in surprise. " Died? When? I just saw her an hour ago!"

" No uh...in the future or rather...the future-that-didn't-happen..er...it's hard to explain." said Rivet.

" Wait, you mean the timeline that you were in previously?" asked Ratchet, attempting to find some kind of logic to this whole thing. So far he was getting more and more confused.

" Exactly! I went back in time, to the point when she was still alive, to prevent her from..." Rivet refused to finish that thought. The shock itself seeing it the first time was too much for him to bear.

" Thus creating a new timeline. Hmm this is incredibly intriguing." said Wheeljack.

" That is, if what you're saying, actually happened." reminded Ratchet.

" But what was the device you're speaking of?"

" I found a mysterious mechanism inside him when I was doing repairs. It looked like a second spark, but completely independent on it's own. I didn't know what it was, but now from what I'm hearing...I think there might be a connection." explained Ratchet.

Wheeljack was more than intrigued now. Temporal mechanics had always held an interest for him, especially the theory of traveling through time. If all the story Rivet was saying actually true though...he'd get to see an example of it for himself!

" Rivet, can I see this device?"

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><p>Author's notes:<p>

As you can already guess, Rivet is a time manipulator, but he isn't very much in control of it...yet. So where did he get this mysterious power from? All that will be answered in the fanfic Relic which will be released after Cosmic Joke has ended. So till then...keep your eyes peeled on this account and my DA account. Sylentnyte dot deviantart dot com. I have artwork of Rivet and Candice in there as well. ;)


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